Using Positive Language to Raise Your Influencing Skills

By DR PATRICK LOW KIM CHENG

Which do you think is more influential? A positive-sounding letter or a negative one?

When writing, most of us can easily fall into the use of negative language. Many do so without being aware of it. It is, for example, common for public service officers to write negatively worded letters to customers. Taka look at this typical government memo:

"We regret to inform you that we cannot process your application to register your business name, since you have neglected to provide sufficient information. Please complete ALL sections of the attached form and return it to us."

While it is polite though overly formal, it is also exceedingly negative. Several negative words "cannot" and "neglected" are used. It has a tone that suggests the receipient is to be blamed for the problem. The word "regret" gives the impression that someone has passed away.

Positive Approach
Positive words, to paraphrase the Book of Proverbs, are pleasant and like a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Take this more positive approach instead:

"Congratulations on your new business. To register your business name, we need some additional information. If you return the attached form, with highlighted areas filled in, we'll be able to send you your business registration certificate within two weeks. We wish you success in your new endeavour."

Is this not more positive and pleasant to the reader? The negative example relays to the person what he has done wrong and does not emphasise the positive remedy. The information is there, but it sounds bureaucratic, cold and negative. The positive example sounds completely different. Although it contains almost identical information, the latter has a more upbeat and helpful tone.

The words one uses can be a very powerful tool. Whether one communicates orally, or in written form, the choice of words will affect how the message is received. Even when one is conveying unpleasant news, the impact can be cushioned by the use of positive language.

When communicating with clients, employees, or other people, one can use positive language. This helps to project a helpful, positive image and one that is more influential.

Remember the naysayer, he is the person who often criticises ideas, and always provides reasons why things won't work. The extreme naysayer rarely offers suggestions or alternatives, but is very good at picking holes at the ideas of others. Avoid being such a person.

If you have worked with such a person, you'll know that this kind of negative communication is very tiring for those around. The constant challenging of the naysayer, while it may stimulate discussion, also creates a negative environment, depresses one's high spirit, and increases conflict.

Naysayers may not always have negative attitudes, they simply use language that gives the impression of negativity. They have not learned to phrase their comments in more positive ways.

Negative words or phrases cast doubts and as Buddha says: "Doubt separates people. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills". Negative phrasing often have these characteristics:

1. They include words like "can't", "won't", "unable to", that tell the recipient what the sender cannot do.
2. They tell the recipient what cannot be done.
3. They have a subtle tone of blame.
4. They do not stress positive actions that would have positive consequences.

Positive words and language is more attractive to the receiver. They usually have these qualities.

1. They tell the recipient what can be done.
2. They suggest alternatives available to the recipient.
3. They sound helpful and encouraging and have personal warmth.
4. They stress positive action and positive result can be anticipated.

Negative words and phrases can affect the receiver's moods. They can make the receiver feel that he is to be blamed, and less enthusiastic about the matter.

To have positive communication, the first task is to identify and eliminate common negative words and phrases. The following should be avoided whenever possible.

Expressions that suggest carelessness:

• You overlooked enclosing...
• You failed to include...
• You neglected to specify...

Phrases that suggest the person is lying:

• You claim that...
• You say that...
• You state that...

Demanding phrases that imply coercion or pressure:

• You should (must)...
• You ought to...
• We must ask you to...

Expressions that imply the recipient is not sensible or bright:

• We cannot see how you...
• We are shocked to know...
• We fail to understand...

Phrases that might be interpreted as sarcastic or patronising:

• No doubt...
• You understand, of course...
• We will thank you to...

Positive Phrasing
Good words are worth much and cost little. If you want to raise your influence over others, you should get rid of negative phrases. To do so, you'll need to replace them with positive ways of conveying the same information. Here are a few examples of positive phrasing:

1. The information suggests that you have a different viewpoint on this issue. Let me explain our view.
2. May we suggest that you...
3. If you can send us (whatever), we can complete the process for you.
4. One option is for you to...
5. We can help you to (whatever) if you can send us...

Negative language conveys a poor image to customers, and to those around us. Sometimes it causes discomfort and conflict. Start using positive language with your written material and after getting the knack of writing positively, it will be easier to change your spoken language to a more positive tone. In our interactions with others gentleness, kindness, and respect are the source of harmony.


Dr Patrick Low Kim Cheng teaches entrepreneurship, managing negotiations, and organisational behaviour at the MBA level at the Kazakhstan Institute of Management, Economics & Strategic Research.



Extracted from Today's Manager / Jun-Jul 2005