5 Steps to Saying Sorry

Is there someone you've hurt? Pick up the courage to apologise. Edwin Tan, counsellor from The Brief Therapy Centre, shares strategies on how to make an apology and mean it.

1 Identify your mistake. Before you say sorry to the person, you have to be sure of what you're apologising for. Sit down, take your time and think through what you did wrong and how you have hurt the other person. Put yourself in the person's shoes and recognise his or her feelings caused by your actions.

2 Take responsibility. Stop making excuses or blaming others. If you have done something wrong, stand up and admit it. You need to face up to your own wrongdoings and make positive rectification.

3 Express remorse and sincerity. Run through what you want to say and how you are going to say it. The approach is very important because you are the one at fault. When apologising face-to-face, maintain eye contact and pay attention to your tone. Rule of thumb: If you truly mean what you say, it will come naturally and the other person will be able to feel it.

4 Suggest positive action. Next, watch the person's response and handle it sensitively. You have to do some damage control and propose a solution (usually a behavioural change on your part). Suggest something realistic and make sure you keep to it.

5 Give assurance. If you break the trust again, you have to bear your own consequences. So, don't set the stage for your own doom. Remember, our Simply Her guide works only once!


Extracted from Simply Her / February 2005